Christmas 2018

December 21, 2018

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this letter finds you well, and I trust that it will find you after Christmas, which is ooo-kay. These letters never fall out of the sky for me, but I believe there’s value in the process of reflection and the effort to connect a bit more deeply with friends and family. When I asked if Briggs would like to write the Christmas letter again, in keeping with his fair and agreeable nature, he replied, “What do you think about rotating every other year?” So, although I enjoyed my reprieve, and he did a super job, for this year we are back to my 4 pages instead of his 2. You can read every other line if you like. ; )

Thankfully, it’s been a lovely year to reflect upon---we’ve had no big transitions or jarring events. The months have slipped by. When I was younger, I loved the different and surprising, but lately I prefer the common and everyday. Grant me time enough to read, weed the garden, teach a concept well, cook a favorite dish, talk books, hang out on the deck and talk…. These ordinary events bring me the most satisfaction and steady joy. Big events are nice...big events are fun...but it’s the small and quiet that sustains me.

Briggs had a very productive year in his work, his best yet. The longer he does financial advising, the more I see the value and impact of his work. It makes me happy to watch him thriving and growing as he works diligently at a job he genuinely loves. Who else looks at dense statistical charts in the wee hours of the morning for kicks? Some people never find their passion; others do but are unable to support themselves in it. We’re grateful Briggs is able to do both.

His successful year also resulted in a long-awaited “reward trip” (part of Edward Jones’ compensation philosophy). We’ve been watching his fellow advisers earn such trips for years (some after much hard work like Briggs, but others just because they happened to “inherit” a profitable office). Because of this discrepancy, it’s been hard to listen to others chat about their trips, then go back home and sit on our flaking and cat-scratched chairs. I’m being painfully honest here, and I realize my thoughts sounds awful, but I share them to be real and to provide some context. Some families vacation far and wide frequently, but for our family, this trip was well-deserved and extraordinary. It gave our family a chance to celebrate and appreciate the years Briggs has labored to lay the foundation of his business.

So, in late July, we spent a week in the Berner Oberland region of Switzerland, exactly 20 years to the month after Briggs and I first discovered this area “pre-children” in 1998. It was dear and wonderful to return to such a breath-taking area, a homecoming of sorts. I count us blessed to see it once, but the Lord gave us twice---and even more, He gave us the chance to share that experience with our teenage children.

I wondered if Switzerland would hold up to our memories--it easily surpassed them. For one,this trip was certainly more relaxing than our past. We arrived knowing much more, with 20 more years of marriage and life under our belts. I think we are making progress. On our first trip, Briggs and I spent much of the trip learning how to get along as a young married couple. This trip we moved on to teaching our children how to get along! Though some things in the town of Interlaken had definitely changed (it’s now full of paragliders and a medley of international tourists), the surrounding mountains were the same---timeless, crazy majestic. Switzerland remains my kind of country--clean, safe, environmentally conscious, up front, and on time.

What did our three teenagers make of it? Grace and Rose haven’t flown in many years, and they quickly revised their romantics dreams of airports and airplanes to “not happy places.” Next they marveled at the ease and efficiency of European public transportation. We were all impressed with the gracious accommodations of our historic hotel (quite a step up from our prior youth hostels and pensions). They were even more impressed by the ridiculously picturesque mountains, lakes, and valleys of the region. Our day-to-day experiences sparked many thoughtful discussions about how to work together as a team, about Swiss culture, but also about the differences in Asian, Middle Eastern, and Indian cultures as well. We were regularly surrounded by an international mix of voices and ways. I love the way travel broadens the lens through which we see others and ourselves.

Some lighter moments---Both David and Rose regularly ate the plainest and most Americanized fare possible. Ingrates! One evening to our shame, they left an entire pot of Swiss fondue practically untouched. In the end, they discovered an easier love for Swiss bread and chocolates, and we concluded that teenagers are teenagers wherever they may go. Our teens were also plagued by jet lag. Inherently sleep-driven creatures anyway, they napped on some of the most beautiful benches and hillsides of Switzerland. So be it. We find our “magical parenting powers” to be increasingly limited these days. Our motto has necessarily become “pick and choose, conserve and reserve.” Time and adulthood will catch up with them soon enough.

Moving back to domestic life, I’ll mention that we’ve adopted a ketogenic-based food philosophy for over a year now. When we first began, we were considered oddities, but the approach is trendier and trendier these days. Briggs jokes that it’s the only time we’ve ever been ahead of a nutritional trend. Both of us have dropped weight and have increased energy levels because of it. We sleep better, wake up earlier, don’t think about food as often, and can go without eating much longer. My blood pressure and pulse rate are both lower, and I have not had an episode of pseudo-gout (something that cropped up in the fall 2017), since. Bizarrely, my feet have dropped a full size. For Briggs, he loves the energy increase and his A1C has improved greatly.

Beyond this, truthfully, I dislike “talking keto” because it opens a troublesome door. So this is my best effort. First, let me just suggest that our culture is bat crazy about nutritional and health trends. There is such a glut of contrasting information and such strong and varied opinions that it drains me to enter that bloody arena. I sometimes find myself battered by other people’s opinions about food choices, dietary approaches, the evils of fat, their untouchable love of sweets, concerns about the sustainability and wisdom of the approach--all this plus the occasionally intrusive and slightly condescending comments about my weight loss specifically. Yikes, who welcomes that?

Briggs does. ; ) So, if you are curious to learn more, he’s your guy. He loves to talk keto endlessly. Me, I’d rather do what works quietly and move on with other aspects of life. I’m not trying to start a movement or judge those who think differently. In fact, it would be easier not to mention it at all, but I bother for these reasons: 1) It’s been part of our year and a shift in approach 2) I know many who are looking for a weight control method that is sustainable 3) I feel that some people, especially the naturally “trim,” fail to grasp the emotional or physical complexities of weight loss and the reality of regain statistics. Food and weight issues cannot be reduced to a lack of nutritional education or sufficient self-control. These are complex issues, and we all struggle in our own ways--some more and some less visible.

Gladly moving on, I’ve continued to stay busy in the field of homeschool education (yet another area where people have many preconceptions and opinions!) Professionally, I continue to administer the Woodcock Johnson test to homeschoolers and to teach classes in our homeschool community. I’ve doubled my course load from last year and currently teach 4 classes with 3 preps--Junior High Language Arts, High School British Literature, and AP Language and Composition. The workload has been manageable, and I love working with students, but the first semester has been busier than I prefer. I’m hoping things will relax a bit next school year, and I’m planning for fewer new preps.

The other bulk of my work is continuing to guide our three teenages through academic and life challenges. Briggs is instrumental in this work as well, especially as the children age up. He is a level-headed patient man, great at guiding and buffering, especially when I get worn thin from the drama. And while I don’t take for granted the freedom I have these days, I sometimes wish back the now seemingly simple years of younger family life. The work we do now feels less cheerful, less quantifiable, and sometimes requires revisiting uncomfortable parts of our younger selves. It means guiding our teens through an increasingly wide and broken world, while we peer into the fog alongside them, without tidy answers. Why do some people think that because children get bigger they require less intentional parenting? Honestly, I often feel the reverse.

Grace (19) is scurrying her way through her college years at Chapel Hill as a Human Development and Family Life Studies major. Yes, there are lots of new majors these days! Her long-term goal is Occupational Therapy school, and this path provides a solid foundation that she’ll use in her future work. Her coursework is a mix of education, psychology, and social work. She’s also developed a passion to help the Spanish-speaking community and hopes a minor in Spanish will broaden her abilities. This past summer she had a fantastic paid internship at a local adult-day program in Asheville. During her time there, she discovered that she loves working with the elderly, and she developed an amazingly mature perspective toward aging and declining abilities.

David (16) has grown a lot the last year…yes, by height (he’s 6’ 2” now), but even more in his ability to manage adult-like responsibilities. School wise, as he’s a high school junior, we decided to launch him into the NC “dual enrollment” program. This semester, he’s had 4 classes at our local community college and will have 3 more next. He’s adapted well, enjoying the rhythm and independence. At this point, he basically runs his own schedule---AB Tech during the week, Five Guys and Youth Group on the weekends, and a girlfriend. He does electrical for GLITCH, a FIRST robotics club (FRC), which will gear up for their high season in the new year.

Still a young man of few words, but solid thought, Dave thinks cleanly and clearly about most matters. He’s low impact, except for his dishes and penchant for too much fast food. I’m sure this coming year will bring more growth as he enters his senior year and sifts through college choices. He may even finish his Eagle rank, but if he does, it will be his choice and his work, not ours. David is increasingly intrigued with the thought of pursuing business/finance as a future major (which excites Briggs), though we are open to whatever and wherever he feels led. I mean that. We mean that. We want our kids to live out their plans and hopes, not our own.

Rose (14) wishes not to be mentioned. “Don’t put down anything about me” was her quick response to my question about highlights from her year. She’s in the thick of those early “I wish I could disappear because you are so embarrassing” years. All three of our children have a strong sense of self---who they are and who they are not. Out of the three though, Rose’s sense of self has been the most different than my own. I bite my nails; she endlessly paints hers. I treasure books; when we stop by the library, she asks if she can “just stay in the car.” I prefer character driven movies; she loves Marvel and Youtube. I’m a “get it and go” shopper; she’s a “let’s look around at all the options” shopper. I work hard for low drama; she works hard for high, peppering us all with clips of animals being rescued from disasters, sharing the details of our cat’s latest “kill,” reporting back the status of the camel crickets traps in our basement: “Look mom, there are four in there now, but one is only half stuck...” My father’s words sometimes echo in my ears “You know, I don’t need to know everything!” Then there is the perpetual pain of Latin class. While her older sister has given an oral presentation on all the reasons to study Latin, I’m confident that Rose could give an equally excellent one on all the reasons to not. Such is the difference in our children!

I could go on...we enjoyed my sister Kathy’s visit this summer from Boston and appreciated the time to catch up. Our vegetable garden was just okay this year--I always felt a step behind. We’ve got a crabgrass issue in our back yard that threatens my efforts to gain the upper hand. I did manage to plant several beds of asparagus and another Granny Smith apple tree. My flower beds were more encouraging--Queen Lime Orange Zinnias and Procut Sunflowers were my stars. I love the life that a garden brings in all senses, the insects, the birds, the smell of dirt, and the struggle for life. Our family enjoyed our annual North Carolina beach week in May and the annual Edward Jones regional meeting in Hilton Head in June. In November, we suddenly had to replace the main plumbing line to our home, cha-ching! Our basement is a mess and continues to periodically flood due to drainage issues. This coming year, I’m looking forward to my 50th birthday and our 25th anniversary---time keeps coming at us, that’s for sure.

Despite feeling awkward about mentioning matters of faith, I feel compelled to all the same. Lately, I have been thinking about this passage from the apostle Paul:

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. But we must hold on to the progress we have already made.” -Philippians 3:12-15

Paul’s hopes mirror my own. We are not perfect, but each works in progress. We press on. We sharpen our focus. We look to what lies ahead with great hope--all of this we do despite living in the often messy “now” because the now is not all. We look forward more than back. I particularly love Paul’s winsome, “If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you” because I believe this too. God is faithful to show us what we need, to fill in the gaps, if we ask.

Wishing you and yours all the best as we look toward the new year. May we all press on.

Love,

Elizabeth, Briggs, Grace, David & Rose