"MooOOm" and other small betrayls

"All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, "Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!" This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end."  -J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan, Chapter 1

My father once remarked about his teenage daughters, "they all eventually turn on you." I remembering thinking "What a cynical statement!" I was in my 20's, and so much of my father's wisdom seemed like sideways energy at the time. At best, such comments were swept into the attic of my brain to be further neglected or dusted off later.

Mark Twain famously observed “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”  

I feel his father's pain. Unbelievably, our daughter, Grace will be 16 this July, and lately she finds me too critical, uncouth, and even slightly embarrassing.  

Despite my best efforts, how did I end up as one of those embarrassing parents? 

Granted, she has never accused me of such things directly. Because Grace has always been a polite child, she generally expresses even such traitorous thoughts in a thoroughly courteous manner. Now, her tone can go south on bad days and that's another thing.  But most of the time, she has mastered the art of a small teasing smile accompanied by an upward lilt to her "MooOOOM!" The combination renders the word a bit of correction and joke all at once.  In fact, on the surface, a stranger could interpret the scene as mere good-natured ribbing.  But I know better.  

I recognize the lilt for what it is--it's the lilt of a youth who believes herself wiser than the adult, the decided arrogance of an emerging adult.  The lilt of a young lady who has measured her emerging self against her imperfect mother and found the mother wanting... 

Thus, my father's words floated to the top of my thoughts this morning. Is this the betrayal he spoke of so long ago? If so, why do I find myself surprised that my daughter is experiencing the same sense of separation and need for self definition that I did at her age?   

Nagbibinata means a boy growing up... by Toti Cerda

Haplessly, we walk a well trod trail, and despite repeated warnings, find ourselves shocked to discover that we are not the first---nor will we be the last--to navigate this rocky terrain. We hold tight to the hope that the trail will be different for us.

But, indeed, the trail has been bumpy the last bit, and I suspect the trail will not improve for miles to come.  Though we walk together, we stumble often.

We are both transitioning into new seasons of life. On good days, Grace is learning how to be a young lady, and I'm learning how to be gracefully middle aged.  

On her bad days, we are both downright moody about this transition.  She's mad at losing her grip on her warm-fuzzy childhood. On my bad days, I linger too long over the seeming simplicity and wholeness of their childhood.  The image of three young children playing with toys, the growing up all bright and shiny before us seems winsome in rosy retrospect.

On our bad days, Grace wonders how she will shoulder the ever-increasing avalanche of adult responsibilities that loom nearer and nearer. And I, I struggle to look upon the same complex horizon and assure her that we will figure it out calmly, piece-by-piece.  How will we? I envision the miles of hard work ahead...

On our worst days she cries, and I scream. On these darkest of days, I doubt that the time I've invested in their education and rearing has been wisely spent.  Perhaps there was a simpler, better way to go about all this that I missed because I am still growing and learning myself. 

Ah, this is an adult truth too, that we never fully figure itself out ourselves before we have to teach it.

If anything, I'm feeling frailer and humbler in my 40's.  I'm slower moving than I used to be. My energy has definite limits.  I miss a lot more---more and more and more as the years dash on. In fact, I've been wrong last year, last month, last week, yesterday.  I often feel like I am chasing a train I'll never quite catch, and I used to believe I could catch it, if I ran very fast, if I ran very hard...but now. Now I'm pretty sure I won't.

I wince a bit inwardly to type these thoughts---something about writing them makes them more menacing and true.  The teenage years are not for the faint of heart.  Nor is middle-age...  We will just have to walk the trail and imperfectly keep bumping along as best we can.

And, I do understand my father---better than ever. There is a generational fellowship in remembering his comment--his caution.  It sweetens the loss of slowly losing the Grace of her childhood. My father felt the same loss first when I left my own childhood self behind.  I betrayed him before she betrayed me. And she betrayed me before her own child will walk the same path.

Although I find Khalil Gilbran too mystical at times, his poem "On Children" touches on this bittersweet rite of passage:


On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

-Kahlil Gilbran


Too often for my liking, I feel like a too brittle and strained bow.  We stretch and our children go forth, at times painfully breaking the boundaries and perceptions we've faithfully instilled for years. We ache and they spring.  We bend and they sail. They lilt their head and say "MooooOOOM...." as the zing off our bow. 

But the upside is that they come out more authentically themselves for the journey.  The upside is that we get to see them fly differently--hopefully more gracefully--than we ever did.

Thank God! We won't always see life the same as our parents.   At the passing of the torch, there should always be the hope of a bit of forward progress from generation to generation.  It may not be progress in the specific areas we laid stake to, but progress nonetheless.

We share the privilege of gazing at the same horizon together, however daunting, with faith that the Lord will justify and use the work of our hands as imperfect as it may be.

And Grace, she will dust off her own attic of thoughts when the time is ripe, look back, and a bit of the "MoooOOm" may be redeemed.  I may not be around to see the full circle, at least not from this vantage point.  My father wasn't.  

But, I've seen enough of the circle to sense its arch and know who formed it. 

The Value of Coins

Rose has a fascination with coins.  Really this started even before we gave her a US States quarters book for Christmas.  She loves to count them.  She loves to sort them.  She loves to clean them.  And from her unworldly child-centered perspective, she can't understand why anyone would prefer paper money to coins.  Paper doesn't have the same heft, sound or presence in her opinion.

So, we have been hunting quarters, popping into Wachovia branches just for coins.  We've figured out that if we purchase a $10 roll of quarters and ask for wrappers, she can sort through them, re-wrap them and exchange them for a fresh roll. We've found that if we stumble across a kind teller, they will search through their drawer for us.

Here are some things we've learned while searching for coins:

Adult tellers, even staid-looking managers, can revert back to their youth when hunting coins.  The human thirst for a quest, even a simple one, is deeply wired.  Most tellers are surprisingly happy to leave their boring adult world to join our adventure.

In contrast, some tellers (and people) are simply not curious types.   No amount of enthusiastic coin talk will lure them from the dreary basics of their perceived job description.  I get it.  I'm sometimes stuck in the confines of my head agenda too.  We don't begrude them, but instead feel sad for what they are missing.

You can also find change at the car wash vacuums.  Yesterday at Gorilla Car Wash on Patton Avenue, Rose found 41 cents of change by scanning the eight vacuuming bays.   We talked with an attendant and learned that one employee has created a discipline of culling all of the change out of the collective vacuum filter.   Over the course of a year, this man collected $1,500 dollars in coins then used the money to go on vacation.

No doubt, some of you will read this (hurriedly, of course,) and think--"that's nice that they have time to float around car wash parking lots and sort through rolls of coins.  Unfortunately, I have weightier work--x, y, and z--to do."  I get it. And I'll admit that sometimes I doubt my time investment too.  It's intangible, unquantifiable, unlike our solid coins.  Homeschooling is a world-class head game for sure.

But, yesterday as Rose and I held hands crossing the busy bank parking lot, she commented in passing, "I like you." To which, of course, I replied "I like you too."  I know she loves me, but boy am I glad that she happens to like me.

I believe the best educational experiences and most beautiful keepsakes are such "by the way" explorations and comments.  I'll take them a thousand times over scanning yet another book entitled "What Your 4th Grader Needs to Know."

My 4th grader needs to know that education is a journey not a workbook.

That looking closely at coins and people is valuable.

That some people are kinder than others and that the difference is magnificent.

That little things, like coins forgotten while vacuuming the car, can add up to big things, like a free vacation.

And that the things which are important to her 10-year-old heart are also important to her mother's 45-year-old heart.

If I kept attendance diligently, which I don't, I'd check the box for Saturday.

Christmas Letter 2013

First, a quick confession:  I tried to pawn this letter off on Grace this year.  After all, she's capable and has more time.  And I reasoned that the weight of time rests lightly on young shoulders. But the desire crept in anyway...

I suspect the desire crept in after venturing into Sophie's World, a breezy novel about a fifteen-year-old Norwegian schoolgirl who explores some rather weighty concepts of philosophy with a mysterious stranger. Grace and I will discuss it soon as part of her schooling. Yes, I'd recommend it, especially as an accessible introduction to the grand world of philosophy...it's a bit like sneaking veggies into meatloaf...

This morning, the following analogy from the story came to mind:

"What a lot of old junk you've collected, " she said.

"Now then! Just think of how many centuries of history I have preserved in this room.  I wouldn't exactly call it junk."

"Do you manage an antique shop or something?"

Alberto looked almost pained.

"We can't all let ourselves be washed away by the tide of history, Sophie.  Some of us must tarry in order to gather up what has been left along the river banks."

This is what I do this time each year.  I gather up what has been left along the river banks of our personal history and feel compelled to sort through the moments, much as one collects shells while on vacation at the shore.  Although we rarely find a use for--or even look closely again at those shells-- most of us delight in gathering them nonetheless.  As if we could preserve the joy of the walk through the keeping of mere shells...

Here are some shells from my walk along last year's shore:

It's been another nose-to-the-grindstone year as Briggs enters into his second year as a financial advisor for Edward Jones.  We talk about the stress, how we never expected to be undertaking such a big adventure in our forties, but here we are.  His timing is always best, in spite of our own packaged notions.  Also, I see daily that Briggs is an excellent fit for this work. He's got a sharp financial mind, a strong sense of ethics, and perhaps most importantly, a heart for helping people.  In faith and reason, we continue to press on...

Briggs in his new office, 23 Orange Street

The high point of his work this year has been the opening of his office in North Asheville, a few miles from our home.  Before this he was sharing an office with a fellow advisor.  Although he's grateful for Brian's support, it's been encouraging for Briggs to enter into his own space. He was blessed to secure a lovely older home that is perfect for his needs--light and airy environment in a good location, homey but professional.  He's also been blessed with an amazing office administrator named Robin. On top of her being a lovely person, she is an excellent complement to Briggs' style.  

A plus with Edward Jones is that they make a point to include family when possible. This June for their regional retreat, we all spent some time in Hilton Head, SC.  Although it's a necessary mix of business and pleasure, we enjoy the time away and connection to other families in his field.  

During spring and summer, we participated in community sustained agriculture (CSA) and went out to their farm several times as part of our "working share."  What a super experience for the children to see how a larger scale farm works, to learn about the different crops they grow, and have a fabulous excuse to hang out in our gorgeous mountains. 

In early August, Rose had a blueberry picking birthday party, and we visited Granddaddy in Charlotte and had great fun at the National Whitewater Center there. We also continued with our yearly September vacation to Atlantic Beach, NC along with a side stop at the Asheboro Zoo this year.  In November, we ventured out to "school days" at the Carolina Renaissance Fair.

Briggs' mom, Elaine, and the family at the Givens Christmas Tea in December

Pieces of our homeschooling year have been transitional and unexpectedly rocky this fall. We have been homeschooling for, gosh, ten years now.  You would think we've had enough time to figure it all out by now! But, homeschooling is more like looking through a kaleidoscope---and a different scope for each child at that.  The picture shifts with every bump of the elbow.  We continue to be involved in our local Classical Conversations community.  I think I mentioned this last year, but it's a nation-wide homeschooling program that comes alongside parents as a resource.  We meet weekly on Fridays and each of our children participate in the program at their own level.  Unlike some homeschooling groups, the program is not a "co-op" or a "drop off," the distinction being that the program does not seek to replace the parent but to empower the parent in their work as their child's primary educator.  Classical schooling is a concept that I've been exploring for several years now and I continue to see merit in the methodology.  I particularly like its rigor and emphasis on skills over content (a concept gaining ground even in mainstream education).

Apple picking in October

One of the strongest pieces of the program, and where I expend a good bit of energy, is with "Essentials" which focuses on developing writing skills and competency in English Grammar. This is my second year of tutoring this class, as it's a great fit for David and next year for Rose.   Encouragingly, I think David and I have discovered a peaceable middle ground this year.  He's (somewhat) resigned to his wacky mother's zeal to brainwash him with grammar terms, and I've learned to reduce some of my expectations so that David can be...well...a bit more David.

Grace, growing tall...

Oddly, most of the rocky homeschool terrain has fallen to Grace (14) this year, a change, as Grace is generally my easy peasy auto-pilot kind of student.  Ah...but we all have our rough patches and desert places--and perhaps especially so in the dawn of the teen years. Although the Classical Conversations program has served her well up-to-this point, I think we've surfed this wave as far as it will go for now. Change is never easy, but we will try out some new coursework and resources this semester.  She will shift to Algebra in a different textbook with a new math tutor and continue to pursue her Latin studies by joining with a Latin II class already in progress.  Another thing that's surprised me is that it's been equally hard for me--to let go of the CC "one-stop" fits all homeschool concept, but life and a good education require flexibility.  And the Lord is so gracious and clever to use it all---for this I am thankful!

Grace stays busy with her many endeavors.  Last spring, she participated in a mock trial with her CC class. Early summer, she played Thisbe in a youth production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  Our spring and summer had good dose of Shakespeare in it--between being an audience for Grace's various performances along with other performance we sat in upon for sheer pleasure.  In particular, I think I've maxed David out.   Grace also continues to sing in an excellence local choir for which I am grateful.  This spring she also began babysitting one day a week for a young mother who works in our church.  To Grace's satisfaction and David's surprise, they both entered the wide world of orthodontic care and got braces this June.

On this note, poor David (almost 12) has had to endure an unexpected "Phase I" in braces, including having four baby molars extracted and oral surgery to expose impacted canines.  Ugh. I'm certain that I'm as happy as he is that the worst is over.  I'm hoping that he won't have dental phobias as an adult after all of this necessary but stressful work.  

Briggs' group of Cub Scouts (David in blue) at the crossing over ceremony--
that whole Indians with the headdress thing was something else!

David and Briggs also continue to be involved with Scouts.  This spring he crossed over from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts proper. He spent a week away this summer at Scout camp and particularly enjoyed his class in pioneering.  His Granddaddy and uncle got him a nice backpack for Christmas which should serve him well in his adventures this coming year.  David has his own style--he wanted a fedora for Christmas and prefers to let his hair grow.  Looking through photos from the year, it's usually longer than I like, but oh well...bigger battles.

Installing a blue bird home
with Granddaddy

Admittedly, David remains a bit of an enigma to me-- maybe because he's the proverbial middle child and my first proper introduction to "a boy."  I had all sisters growing up.  He prefers to do things in his own sweet time and can be unfocused in his formal studies. But, he is developing stamina and perseverance--bit-by-aching bit--on the battlefield of math and household chores. More than either of our girls David loves to be part of a group. His three favorite days of the week are the days when we are at church, homeschool group, or Scouts.  Like most boys, I think he flourishes with competition and  boy energy. 

Rose and Panda Christmas morning

Rose (9) is resting her head on my shoulder as I type.  She informed me recently that she now has 60 stuffed animals in her collection, including a 40+ year-old panda of my grandmother's that was re-stuffed and freshened up for Christmas. Would you believe that we too sleep with some of her animals each night? As part of her evening wind down routine (a long one), she brings us a rotating cast of animals along with their specific care instructions and reminders of their names.  

Rose has several sweet girlfriends--two of whom are neighbors.  She spends a fair amount of time with Bebe who lives to the right.  They like to play fairy games in my garden and keep house in the tree fort. We love our neighbors--sweet folks who we've enjoyed getting to know better over the last year.  And Rose continues to be tight friends with Maya, who lives directly behind us and Sophia, who is in our weekly homeschool group.  

the contents of Rose's suitcase on the road...

As she's happiest with her hands busy, Rose has taken two pottery classes this year and received a sewing basket for Christmas.  Her latest thing is to wander around the house doing handstands all day long.  As this routinely means knocking into things--including sometimes people-- it's a point of conflict at times.  To our consternation, she refuses to be involved in any form of organized gymnastics.  She would make an excellent saleswoman, as she is tenacious-- systematic in her attack and persistent in her plans.  When we are not around however, she is shy and accommodating.  During warmer (and even sometimes colder) weather, she prefers to be outdoors whipping up mud donuts and poke-berry potions for her restaurant (yes I know, potentially poisonous).  In keeping with her name, she also keeps a close watch on the plants in the garden for me.

Let's see...what else?   What about me?  How am I?   I think women in particular resist that question and perhaps mothers most of all.   Why is this question so pesky?  I once secretly worried that it could be due to a lack of self-awareness or even self-esteem, but I've changed my mind about it. Instead, I believe it's because women are masters at folding themselves into the cracks of other people's needs.  We are bridge builders and gap fillers, chameleons often busy facilitating a larger picture.  I find I am happiest when I'm operating in useful but often nebulous ways that are not readily describable. 

The girls at a local baseball game--go Tourists! 

I continue to be busy with my homeschool testing business, especially in spring through mid-summer which is high testing season. My base of families continues to grow, and I greatly enjoy working with both the students and parents.  There is a tremendous diversity in the homeschooling families of our community, and no single right or wrong way to educate children.  I delight in the different approaches and children I am privileged to work with.  

Outdoors, I continue to play in the dirt and grew some heirloom tomatoes and peppers from seed this year.  I'm rather proud of my success, though it was easier than you would think.  Most of gardening, like cooking, mainly requires an observant spirit, along with a willingness to experiment and adjust.  When gardening, I often think how our pre-packaged lifestyle distances us from the simple pleasures of working the soil and seeing something grow from beginning to end. Such work ties us back into the cycle of the seasons and grounds my spirit.  Our hands stained with yellow, the children and I waged epic battles against the evil bean beetles this summer.  And although the butternut squash I planted never produced a single squash, the volunteers ones in the compost pile birthed several.  Go figure!  Each year ushers in new surprises and lessons. I can't image why anyone wouldn't wish to have their hands in the dirt and watch new life unfold.

Love the deep browns of the Moulin Rouge Sunflower ready to unfold.

Though we love to be home together, as the children grow, we find ourselves outside the home more and more, traveling from this to that, making the most of various opportunities.  I'm still learning to use the awkward chunks of in-between to my advantage, to be at peace with the constant state of interruption. Briggs has been incredibly busy with work, and I'm sad to report that although we've been on several hikes this year, I think this is the first year in many many years when we haven't gone camping at least once. 

Spiritually, what am I learning?   Well, my sister Jill calls it *ping*.   I'm learning to let go, or at least hold more loosely--the many elements and the many people in my life that I cannot impact or change. Sounds simple enough, even obvious, but it's been a long long life lesson. I think growing older forces us to make more efficient use of our time and energy.  At some point we must reckon with our limits, and there is much to be said for developing a healthy friendship with them. If we are wise, I believe it makes us better stewards of our time and more intentional with what is truly important.

I'm also learning to be at peace with the arrival of middle age, with the growing streak of grey in the front of my hair and my now absolutely necessary reading glasses.  The trade off is that I'm also becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Though there is always room for growth, I see the value in appreciating the ground we've covered and the heights we've climbed. It is a great privilege to slowly travel far.  Many people travel too fast, and others do not have the privilege of traveling at all.

Corporately, I wish to thank each of you that gifts us with Christmas cards and letters each year. They require a good dose of precious energy that I know can be in short supply.  Each December, I look forward to the news and the glimpse of your worlds.  Though we live much of our lives in very public or private settings, it is strengthening to know we row very similar boats on our little ponds.   We row together, though we row apart.   I hope that this letter returns the favor--catching you up on our year and our hopes.

The very best to you in the coming year---row on!

Elizabeth & Briggs
Grace, David, and Rose

The charming--and fleeting--joy of stumbling across remnants 
of Rose and Bebe's unstudied play in the garden...

Christmas Letter 2012

"For last year's words belong to last year's language, 

and next year's words await another voice..."  

TS Eliot, "Little Gidding" Four Quartets, 1942

Stopping by Mt. Airy, NC (Andy Griffith's hometown) on the way home from a holiday trip to Roanoke, VA.
The kids and Briggs love the Andy Griffith show.

   

Dear Family & Friends,

His blessings to you this New Year!   I am continually reminded by the pressing demands of life that my own blessings and good wishes are rather flimsy creatures. Thankfully, His steady hold on our shaky lives is firm.  His providential care is broad, unwavering, unlimited. And though we might not pick our individual journey out of a pile and call it a blessing, He would and does. C.S. Lewis comments, "You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace."  And so He is busy fashioning our little lives into something much grander than we would wish or fathom.  He remains the great I AM, the great shape-shifter of our lives.  To Him be the glory as we undergo more shaping in 2013!

 We enjoyed family hikes to Moore Cove Falls
and Lower Douglas Falls--blessed to live in WNC.

I’ve gotten away from Christmas pictures and formally mailed letters the last few years and can’t seem to make myself get back to them.  Perhaps it’s the lingering perfectionist in me that resists the thought of finding “the” right picture to send and hashing over the details of our lives in ink.   It can become increasingly ponderous as the years build up, and I understand why my father was sometimes hesitant to go through old pictures.  It stirs up the past, and all its sweetness and nostalgia is hard to settle back down again.  It's much easier make a pot of coffee and get about today than to contemplate the significance of our days as a whole.   But, as my pastor reminded me yesterday in his sermon, there is value in looking back with thanksgiving.  Getting on with life is important, but we also need to stop and  think about what we are getting on with!

Rose with her doll Josephina, on the Maid of the Mist,
Niagara Falls. NY

Each new year ushers in unexpected joys and griefs.  This year was marked most significantly by the much too early loss of my sister Linda’s husband, Mark Pacer.  We attended his surprise 50^th birthday party in Buffalo in late March, then buried him in mid June. Why?  There are no tidy answers for deep sorrows and to offer clichés or inept theology is irresponsible.  I do know that my brother-in-law was a cheerful man who loved his family and brought his joyful presence to any situation. Many people bring the weight of their troubles, but Mark brought lightness and relief.   He had a gift of drawing it out of us.  Only Mark could have you laughing over the story of his diagnosis, and even as he walked through the darkness of cancer, I often had to remind myself that he really was very sick.  He didn’t candycoat things, but he didn’t linger in despair either.   He was definitely a doer, one who "got on with the day."  I admire the grace and candor with which he walked a dark, dark road, and I pray that legacy of lightness will live on in the lives of those he loved.  I know he would wish it so, as he was a carpe diem kind of guy!

Briggs in his element on the USS Yorktown, Charleston, SC

A passing of the baton, we retired our old MPV of 14 years this fall
and moved from a 1993 MPV to a 2007.  Long live "the Beast!"

Easily, the next most significant event has been Briggs’ job transition.  This time last year, Briggs was  three months into the training process of becoming a Financial Advisor with Edward Jones.  February of 2013 will mark the official one year anniversary of his work as an advisor.  It’s been alternately humbling, gratifying, and arduous!  Even before you begin, more seasoned Jones  advisers warn you to brace yourself for a long uphill haul.  It’s a lot of hard work in any economy to start a business, but it requires a particular perseverance to establish financial trust in this discouraging economic climate.  People are rightfully cautious, and Briggs continues to be stretched by working outside of his comfort zone, learning sales, to best be able to help people within his comfort zone of financial planning.  "They" tell us to expect 3-5 years of strenuous work before it gets easier, so we are trusting them, trusting God and treking on. It's anything but boring--weeks seem to be tremendously encouraging or deflating, making us all the more grateful that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Our faith is strengthened as we trust that He is in the journey.  He is busy with the refining, the purifying and purging, growing us in ways we cannot always discern.  By definition, it is  the very essence of faith to step out into mystery. I don’t know of any other way to really grow in faith, do you?  Following the shoreline is delightful, but the crux of faith seems to require us to set our sails for deeper waters and be willing  to lose sight of the shore.

We saw the Lion King with Grandma Elaine in Greenville, SC

Generally, the children are a more straightforward topic.   Perhaps it is because they are always changing and we see the growth more immediately.  Adult growth is laborious in contrast! 

Grace (13) has been going through her own season of transition.  Not quite a young lady and not quite a girl, it’s unmooring to become a teenager in any culture, but especially this one.  She is bright, inquisitive, thoughtful, passionate, and intense. 

Grace on a mom & daughter outing, at the downtown
Basilica of St. Lawrence

In 8th grade now, she continues in her homeschool studies through our Classical Conversations program which meets on Fridays.  Her coursework is primarily dictated by this program and ambitious.   She loves the Latin, Literature, and Science, detests the Logic, and endures the Pre-Algebra.  I generally think the program is a good stretch and challenge for her, but there are days when  I long to chuck it all and go make daisy chains and wander mountainsides with her.  In many ways, Homeschooling, which I've heard aptly described as "extreme parenting," is a huge head game.  As the principal over your child's education, you are forever wondering if you should do more or less, change to something entirely different, or stay the current course and continue with faith.  It is a huge investment, a leap of faith, that we continue to walk out imperfectly in His grace.

In addition to her "homeschool studies" (Where does education leave off and hobbies or interests begin anyway--  Isn't all of life part of our education?), this year Grace has learned woodcarving, ukulele, grown in her knowledge of knitting, and begun singing in a middle school choir.  Out of all of these pursuits, the precision of choir seems to best suit her personality.  We are grateful for her choir director who sets the bar high but is sensitive to the youth he is shaping.  Grace is also finding her way in the Youth Group at our church and attended her first youth conference this fall. 

David's self portrait

David (11 in January) continues to find his own rhythm.  He generally flies under the radar, but will stick his neck out and make sure he's heard when it comes to something he values.  He's generally low key, low maintenance, and quite observant.  He is also more culturally sensitive than the other two and loves technology--a blessing and yet a beast that we fight daily. He loved his ukulele classes this summer with his mellow and encouraging instructor, Mr. Crowe. 

David at Crossfire Basketball Camp
this summer.

The more flexible style of stringed instruments seems to suit David's more bohemian nature, so I hope he persists and grows in his musical skill.  Also, both Briggs and David continue to be active in their Cub Scout troop.   Briggs is David's den leader, and a highlight was their weekend scouting trip to the USS Yorktown in Charleston, SC this fall.  David earned his Arrow of Light right before the holidays and will graduate into Boy Scouts proper this spring.  Again, I appreciate the camaraderie and commitment of the men who lead this pack, particularly Joshua Gates.  We are blessed to have so many dedicated people faithfully building into our children's lives. In his homeschool this year, David has begun the next level of our CC program, called “Essentials.” This class focuses intensely on grammar and writing skills, along with some math games and drills.  The poor child must endure me as his tutor—there’s no escape from  grammar terms and writing technique with an English teacher for a mother!  Actually, David--who tends to  be quiet in nature--is growing up to be a fine writer and can put things down on paper rather well when focused.   

One of Rose & Maya's summer creations.

Finally, our youngest, Rose (8) continues to be a fire hose—a constant source of motion and momentum. In the last year she has become fast friends with a little girl who moved in behind us named Maya.  Maya and her sister Jayce have become part of a sweet little pack of children that run and play freely from yard to yard. It’s sweet to watch them wander, playing on our zip line, then their tire swing, next building forts and making mud pies.  Play really is the serious work of childhood in my opinion. We are blessed to have these neighborhood friends, including Gavin who is David's boy buddy in the midst of the girls. When they all get together, they are like a roving, imaginative and joyful tribe.  (I must remember that next time I find my garden flowers painted with nail polish and my dishware abducted for tea parties in the yard).  They remind me of my own carefree childhood days when children roamed throughout the neighborhood without care.  To me, they are precious, a lingering relic of a simpler childhood and way of life. But, getting back to Rose...

Rose at the Grove Park Inn.

Rose is alternately painfully shy and unabashedly boisterous depending upon her surroundings and mood.  She is physical, affectionate, impulsive  and tenderhearted. In the past year, she has developed a deep devotion to her stuffed animals, all 31 of them at last count, and has named each one.  When we went to Roanoke to celebrate Christmas with Briggs' family, she packed them all up in her bags, not wishing to leave any lonely ones behind.  Her fondest wish was for an enormous plush white tiger that arrived on Christmas day.    

Long story--me at the beach with Rose's prized seahorse
---four of her fast expanding animal collection.

Grace was just peeking over my shoulder as I type and told me to “not forget yourself!”  Quantifying your own life is perhaps the most difficult of all.   Let’s see….   I continue to head up homeschooling despite the stress upon our income.  It's a battle of sorts--part of me longs to be able to help our family more financially while Briggs builds his business—but we always come away from these discussions convicted that I need to stay the course and provide stability at home.   I have picked up the financial ball in some areas and continue to teach on Fridays with our homeschool program.  This year I am tutoring David’s writing and grammar class which seems to be a good fit for David's needs and makes use of my background.  Also, I have started a side-business of administering the Woodcock Johnson III test for homschooling families in the community.  It is more than a mere "bubble test" and is more interactive and varied than many other standardized tests.  I really enjoy the testing process and working with the students and families.  The challenge is that the testing season (spring) places more demands upon my time.  Another adventure this year has been participating in the Christian Womens' Job Corp (CWJC) which is a national program that seeks to provide Christian mentoring for women coming out of crisis situations. The process has been humbling and inspiring. It’s amazing to step into the journey of others, and I would highly recommend this program as  a worthwhile investment.

Our missing "Missy"--not the nicest cat, but my constant
garden companion nonetheless, a member of the family
for 7 years...I will miss her company when gardening.

We continue to be active in our church community and after much contemplation formally joined New Life Community Church this past year.   Our church journey has been a long and circuitous one, something that would not make a whole lot of sense to most people, especially those not involved with church life.  Walking through it, I have found the journey confusing and discouraging at times.  But emerging from the fog and looking back, I see Him and His Church all the more clearly for the walk. Again, He is determined to have the best of us.  I am encouraged and rest in the truth that His Church is not contained by walls or diminished by the continual shortcomings of man.  His Church is distinct, made up of individual souls, not churches. He works through churches but is not limited or thankfully defined by them.  His Church rolls through the ages, through the seasons, and it’s this Church that ultimately matters in the final equation.  All other churches are just handmaidens to this Church.  In our journey, we've also had many conversations with people who have been wounded by "religion" or by "church" life.  I certainly struggled with empty ritualism and the hypocracy I saw within the church before I became a follower of Christ.  I would encourage anyone in this camp to be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater---read the scriptures and seek Christ--not society's and man's endless distortions of Him, or the church with the little c.

Well, all of that is rather heavy--life is heavy, isn't it?  It's certainly much richer, more varied, more than we bargained for as children looking out in the world and wondering what we "want to be" when we grow up.  But, there is joy and satisfaction, blessing and growth in every corner of the map as it unfolds.  Thanks for taking the time to catch up and journey through our year with us.  May your 2013 be blessed with new voices and new adventures as we press on and hold true...

God bless and much love to you and those dear to you,

Elizabeth, Briggs, Grace, David & Rose

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained." Philippians 3:12-16

High summer in our front garden-- I always admire the zeal of the annuals,
tall sunflowers and tassling corn.  Another favorite this year was our
Lacinato Kale patch,  planted in May but still kicking  in January!

Christmas Letter 2011

Sometimes I feel that life is passing me by, not slowly either, but with ropes of steam and spark-spattered wheels and a hoarse roar of power or terror. 

It's passing, yet I'm the one who's doing all the moving.

~Martin Amis, Money

Dear Family & Friends,


The end of each year is always a watershed for me—a flurry of practical busyness, financial and commercial pressures, mingled with sentimental longings I can’t reconcile. It’s a seemingly impossible uphill climb to the actual Christmas Day: I vacillate between feeling overly busy, consumed with getting gifts “just right” or instead feeling guilty, like I should be able to make things simpler, more meaningful. Either way, when the packages are unwrapped and shiny paper litters the floor, Christmas is either an altar to overindulgence or an altar to a God-child---breathtakingly deep or incriminatingly shallow. And perhaps both at once, which troubles me too. Do I take my little world too seriously or not seriously enough?

Then, the New Year looms behind it all—unchartered. I feel the weight of the future poignantly. Who knows what will unfold between the margins of the next twelve months except the Lord? What new challenges we may face, what abrupt changes may burst in, and what familiar, comfortable seasons may quietly fade away without a proper goodbye. Our lives tirelessly plod along, not asking or needing our permission, after all.

This time last year, we had no idea how much change this year would usher in. In March, Briggs lost his position with Wells Fargo after 12 years with some form of the company. What brought us to Asheville (the takeover of First Union by Wachovia) now left us unemployed in Asheville (the takeover of Wachovia by Wells Fargo). Initially we had the wind was knocked out of us. Particularly when our entire family structure hinges upon one income with homeschooling, we felt the financial pressure acutely—what to do? Relocate, retrain, reinvent, reconsider, regroup? Clearly re-something!

Losing your job is a good excuse for a self-inventory if nothing else. It gives you a chance to consider what you’ve done up until now, whether you’ve enjoyed it, and what you’ve left yet undone. We prayed and asked each other questions and asked others questions and asked ourselves yet more questions. Are there talents we are not using? Passions we should explore? In many ways the 40’s is a good decade for such an evaluation—a healthy mid-life crisis of sorts. After all the dust settled, we were left with a clear sense that God was behind it all, that whatever came out of this would all be for our good and His glory. This bedrock has been such a gift!

Practically speaking, Briggs has decided to pursue a career in Financial Planning with Edward Jones. He’s had a passion for investment for years, but never felt the timing was right before. He really likes their business model, so he interviewed with them this summer and began training with them this fall. Truthfully, I still don’t understand when he will have an official “job” or every nut and bolt along this winding way. Their training program is extensive, and he has several big pieces still in front of him—two more tests this month, and if he passes, some training in St. Louis in January, followed by all kinds of quotas and door-knocking (part of their model). If all goes well, he will get his “sell date” in March. So, we are mid-process with the biggest mountains still on the horizon, as he seeks to build a base, but God has been incredibly faithful to us during the transition. Wells Fargo gave Briggs an excellent severance package that gave us time to figure this all out, and we’ve had peace through this process that this is all of and from the Lord, that He will use it for the very best in our lives. Briggs has jokingly admitted that he “is worried that he isn’t worried” at times!

The unexpected flexibility of our schedule during this transition also opened up opportunities for us to do things outside of our usual routine. We had time to take a lingering vacation up North for my eldest niece’s wedding

We took a trip up to New England for a niece’s wedding did the historical Boston thing as the children are studying US History this year (toured USS Constitution, stopped by Bunker Hill, explored Plimouth Plantation) toured Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. We stayed in a Hostel in the White Mountains (bunk beds and communal living, the kids loved it), hiked some cool caves, explored industry in Vermont (Cabot Cheese, Maple Sugaring, and Granite Quarrying). I love the coast of Maine, the misty rolling hills of rural Maine, New Hampshire. We visited Charlottesville, old friends and Monticello on the way home. In the fall, Briggs’ family joined us for our annual beach trip.

All the meanwhile, Briggs immersed himself in some badly need home repairs. I couldn’t begin to remember how long his “honey-do” list was, full of all the undone things that you walk by for years and years until the peeling paint and faded floors become the new normal. But to give a taste of the work---he refinished our wood floors, painted our bedroom, family room, hallway and bathroom, along with dozens of minor unremarkable repairs I can’t bring to mind. I think all of this work was very healthy for him, as he likes to work with his hands and gave him a physical outlet while his mind regrouped.

Time with each other at home has also brought us more in touch with what each of us does on any given day and broadened our understanding of how the Lord works in our lives, to name just a few of the revelations 2011 ushered in.

It has also prompted me to evaluate my role in things---to ponder our commitment to homeschooling (unwavering, as we believe it’s the very best God has for us) and ways that I can supplement our income without detracting from our homeschooling. The Lord has opened up an opportunity for me to become trained in administering the Woodcock-Johnson test, an achievement test that meets the needs of our state homeschooling requirements of testing once a year. The woman who has tested our children for years is retiring this year, so I am blessed to be able to be trained by her and to be able to purchase her testing materials. I’m looking forward to the work—both as a way to give me a chance to exercise my analytical skills and also as a way to encourage homeschooling children and parents. So I should finish my training in the new year and be ready to be ready as the spring testing season rolls around.

We continue to be involved in our homeschooling program—Classical Conversations. It’s a nation-wide group of communities that share a common bond of Classical Christian Education. This is our second year in the program, and it’s been a very good fit for our family. I like the way that the program is not a “drop off” program, but one that seeks to mentor and support the parents as the primary educators. Grace has begun their “Challenge” program this year which is for Junior high/High School level students and is more independent in nature than the lower levels of the program. She is really enjoying the challenge and is very self-disciplined in her studies.

Grace is taking tennis right now and really enjoying that. Also this year, she has begun studying Latin (something I never thought we’d do). I also never thought I would say that I wish I had studied Latin as a child, yet here I’ve said it. Did you know that over 80% of our language goes back to Latin? It’s like unlocking doors to little mysteries and histories with every word you meet.

David has been enjoying Cub Scouts, really loves riding his bike, is learning to keep his room in better shape, and is developing a fast knack for fixing things and solving problems (outside of his math problems that is---no zeal there, more like dragging through mud).

Rose has managed to destroy her entire wardrobe of “decent” clothes and I have resigned myself to the reality that she will wear Christmas sweaters in summer, sandals in winter, and never know where her coat is. She is tremendously tactile, always jumping, crawling (her latest thing is to pretend she’s a dog and run all over the house on her knees…this drives me crazy). Poor mothers---I think it drives us crazy to think our children are regressing! She loves crafting things…sometimes from directions but often from her imagination. I love the way she sees new things in old things, the doors of her mind open effortlessly.

Last January, we also had to say goodbye to our old boxer/bulldog mix Willow. She developed increasingly severe arthritis early last year, to the point where the strongest medications were not effective and our home was filled up incessant moaning. It was sad to watch Briggs, Grace and Rose head off to the vet—especially Rose because I knew she would leave a piece of her childhood at the vets’ that day. Willow was a good loyal girl who appreciated a warm fire, a full bowl of food, and a comfortable place to lay down. After an abusive childhood (she was a neglected rescue dog), she was happy to fall into the simple pleasures of daily family life. I miss her in quiet ways still—especially her soulful eyes that would follow you about the room as you went about this or that.

So, in the spring, we were up for a new challenge and adopted a reverse brindle boxer (almost black with some brown striping) Briggs named Joshua. Honestly, I still find the name a bit offsetting (people names for dogs, not my style), but Briggs said he was feeling the need for a conquering name at the time, so there you have it. He’s named for Joshua from the Bible—a biblical hero dog! ; ) I call him Shuey anyway and a dozen other nicknames so it doesn’t really matter. Joshua is like the last really rotten baby in a big family---he gets away with so many things I never thought I’d allow. Of course, he’s very sweet though and almost a year now (born December 26th). He’s just now starting to bulk up a bit.

Much to my discouragement, we continued our church search in the new year of 2010. Why would the Lord call us to a different church for only a year and then have us move on again? He’s certainly taught me some very quiet but solid things through this journeying. Perhaps one of the greatest things I’ve gained is a heart that finds stability in Christ, not in a particular pastor, circle of church friends, or in the satisfaction of service in one ministry. Not in the familiar trappings of weekly church life, a favorite style of worship, or an accustomed seat in the sanctuary. To be clear, these are NOT bad things—they are all gifts, pieces and ways of knowing Him through others! But the weaning off of these gifts to follow His larger purposes has sharpened my ability to differentiate between the gift and the Giver in ways that are far richer than the things I’ve lost along the way. So though I wasn’t happy to pull up our tent pegs again, I did find myself traveling lighter. January of last year, we settled into New Life Community Church and have had a rather uneventful church year there, which was fitting and perhaps best amid all the other changes in our lives.

I’m still learning humility and how to wait upon His ways and timing. But, I don’t have as many questions as I once did, and not because I am bitter or apathetic but because I find it pleasant to look with expectation to what He will bring out of all this movement. His lead is worth following, not because of anything in me, but because He’s God. I find peace and freedom in that simple truth.

One very sad piece of this year is my brother-in-law’s unexpected diagnosis of kidney cancer in September. We were blessed to be able to make a trip up North in early October to visit with them. God is good, and both Briggs and I came away impressed with their can do attitude and amazing teamwork. They are both “doers,” and I admire how they have regrouped under very stressful circumstances. Life is hard and unfair. God is good. Both of these are true, but the working out of these truths in our lives is a constant battle. Mark would sum it all up by saying “it sucks” but they are putting one foot in front of the other, and facing each day with grit.

Lastly, I must apologize for not getting out a Christmas Letter last year, for those of you who actually read them (which is YOU if you are still reading ; ). Unbelievably, I had a rather creative burst and even put together this kind of “I Spy” montage of moments from our year with highlights, printed them all off in color, addressed half the envelopes, bought stamps and then ended up only mailing through the C’s on my address list. So if your last name starts with D through Z and you are still reading, please forgive me. I also mention it as an encouragement to all those people out there who feel better to know that they are in the fine company of yet another fellow struggling human. It always makes me feel better to know that I am not alone in my failures!

On that note, a brief thanks to all of you who enjoy the yearly letter or who make encouraging comments about my writing. I wish I could say I find joy in writing, but honestly I don’t. I do find much satisfaction when the writing is done, but it is always hard, emotionally draining work . It involves a bunch of wrestling, and I do it more out of a sense of needing to confront and reconcile the various pieces of my life that seem to taunt me until I adjudicate them to the page. And even then they leer back!

It may sound grandiose, but I mean it in a very forthright and practical manner to end with the hope that God will make Himself known to you in new ways this coming year, whether it be the start of a tentative friendship with Him or the deeper whispers of a lifelong courtship. He IS grand, He’s in control, and He longs for the very best in our lives. I sleep much better at night when I can fully get a hold of that! So may your year be filled full of Him and of many other blessings. We would love to hear from you when you have time and inclination.

Love,

Elizabeth

P.S. Some of our numbers and addresses have jiggled around, so just to update: Home 828-367-7423, Briggs’ cell 828-779-1530, Elizabeth’s cell 704-779-4120, briggsprice@gmail.com, elizabethjprice@gmail.com