Some like to reflect upon life and others prefer to stay busy with the doing. For the doers, these types of letters are “sideways energy,” I can’t help but hear their snide asides when I begin such an effort. Each year I’m tempted to tell them, “It's ok, don’t bother reading on then, just throw this away now.” I imagine they do.
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| I've felt a lot like this volunteer Floristan sunflower this year--unmoored and surprised to have volunteered for the unexpected. |
There is another camp that likes to use the annual letter as a means to elevate whatever they are most proud of in their lives (and do the same on Facebook). I don’t think they perceive their letters or posts in this way, but their highs can leave me feeling inadequate. I hate playing the comparison game, so please excuse yourself if this letter hits you that way. Not my intent, truly.
All the same, I still like annual letters. Perhaps it’s the voyeurist in me, but I like knowing the details of other’s lives. At minimum, such letters inform me. And the best ones are worth three chirpy ones---because for a handful of moments, they connect me back to someone I don’t often get to connect with. They leave me feeling slightly less alone in areas of my own private struggles.
Here, our year has been a year of transitions and shifting landscapes, of irregular schedules, of much flurry followed by extended periods of silence, waiting and recovery--physically, spiritually, emotionally. I’m tired in some areas, more impatient in others, but grateful in all regards.
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| Grace and Rose the day Grace got her braces off--her one wish was potato chips (something she was forbidden to eat by Dr. Scanlan when she had her brace. |
Grace (16) is a junior this year. She’s had a year full of what you’d expect for a junior--the peril and exhilaration of learning to drive, the weight of heavier coursework along with a growing distaste for upper level math (sorry Dr. Swann). And, there is the weight of moving closer to the close of her high school years...the growing and uncertain weight of what comes next, and the exhausting work of trying to figure out your how you are built, what you value, how to use your giftings best. I hesitate to tell her that much of that work never ends.
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| Grace's first formal |
She is navigating these years better than many---certainly better than either Briggs or I did--but these are difficult years all same. They can feel like a ride on a neck-snapping roller coaster at times, one day of exhilaration followed by the sinking feeling you get when you crest the hill. I’m left with the feeling that I don’t know this track well enough to enjoy it yet (ah, the plight of the first born). And the sad truth of adulthood is, honestly, I’m not always up for the ride.
Yes, she continues to homeschool, all three do, though as the children get into their upper years, I’m finding my role becomes more of a general contractor and taxi cab driver than immediate teacher. Her coursework has been a mix of a few excellent private teachers and some dual enrollment through our local community college. This gives her a taste of college-level work (ironically easier than her homeschool private teachers) and a free head start on her college credits. She had an excellent experience with her biology class at AB Tech this fall and looks forward to more coursework there her senior year.
David (13) is in eighth grade now. I love the ease, common sense, and quirky wit of the boy. Generally, he takes life in easy stride---sometimes too easy of a stride, but I know from experience that self-discipline can have a long trajectory! He gets his work done. Eventually. He’s most happy when pursuing his own eclectic interests (how the best way to do something, or odd bits of trivia which I wish I had more time to process but don’t). This year David has transitioned from one homeschool model and group (Classical Conversations, a classical model driven by tutor-moms/dads) to another (a mix of a few cherry-picked professional teachers). It’s been a good move. I think he’s benefitting from the increased male presence (both teachers are male), consistency, and accountability.
He continues to enjoy scouting and just achieved his Life ranking last week (for those oblivious to the structure, this is the last rank before Eagle). We are encouraged by his progression through scouting--and quite honestly, not so much that he would achieve a certain “rank,” but by the structure and discipline of the program when structured as intended which gives the boys opportunity to develop leadership skills as they work themselves through the systematic set of demands that the ranks require.
As I grew up with three sisters and no brothers, I was not familiar with any of this until I walked through it with David, but Briggs grew up with scouting, and I’ve come to respect the process of the program and think that when done right, boys can benefit greatly.
Both David and Rose have taken a chess class over the last year, and that’s been good for them. David enjoys it. Rose endures it. Also, David’s decided he’d like to pursue piano again. Half the time I feel like I am beating him over the head with mandates about what he needs to do, and the other half of the time, I’m so distracted by the girls that he blissfully escapes my attentions. He makes me laugh when I am sad. He gets me, and I hope that I will have more time and brain power for his wit and whim in the future.
Rose prefers to be beside me, just as she is right now. When we considered our plans for the coming school year, her request was “I just want it to be you and me,” so that’s pretty much what it’s been. She’s been heavily involved in Classical Conversations through the years, and as we stepped back from that, I think she welcomed the break from its persistent rhythms and demands. In August she decided she’d like to play clarinet, so she spent a week in the summer in “band camp” and has joined a homeschool band that meets once a week. If you asked her what she likes about the clarinet (I always longed to play flute but was dictated the clarinet), she would tell you that she likes the way it’s “all black and shiny” and the way it sounds.
Rose has a fabulous sense of humor which comes to light only when she’s opened up to you (this can entail a handful of encounters or years just depending). Once she told me that she’s reserved because she’s “just more comfortable around some adults than others” and has to make up her mind if she likes them first. Me too. ; ) She has an intuitive and sharp sense of discernment about people, places, and things which I hope will serve her well, particularly in her teenage years. She is a natural salesperson, adept at wooing you to her perspective on a matter (ah...the wily youngest, always scrapping for their place).
This year she talked Briggs into a cat (something I believed impossible because he swore them off for years due to fears of allergies). But, here we sit this December with not one but TWO cats in our home---Pascal, an orange tabby who came from our local animal rescue Brother Wolfe, and Nimbus, a “grey fluff-ball” as she calls her. Nimbus used to live in the gutter down the street until Rose found her walking up our street one afternoon. She has a way of working her magic on both people and animals.
Briggs and I are both very thankful for our children---despite the rollercoasters and continual demands of parenting--the children bring such richness, love, and depth into our worlds. I am certain that our children make us better people because they evoke the best and worst in our characters. I find that our children can bring me to my knees before God quicker than anything else and that I will rally and do for my children what I would not be inspired to do otherwise. We thank God for the privilege and blessing of parenting….nothing else like it!
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| Nimbus--Rose's stray recruit--cat #2 |
As I mentioned earlier, my year has been transitional in many ways….I’ve stepped back from being heavily involved in teaching and dedication to homeschooling through the Classical Conversations model and moved into this stranger territory of limbo.
Homeschoolers do much of their planning for the coming school year early in the calendar year (most of us making decisions about classes and such in March, and I have always been on the early end of the early end of the thinking process), so I made the decision to step away from CC about a year ago now. It was hard to let go of the comfortable and familiar (I’m the loyal type that would drive a car into the ground before getting a new one), but as Solomon told us in Ecclesiastes, there is a time to keep and a time to cast away…
Homeschoolers do much of their planning for the coming school year early in the calendar year (most of us making decisions about classes and such in March, and I have always been on the early end of the early end of the thinking process), so I made the decision to step away from CC about a year ago now. It was hard to let go of the comfortable and familiar (I’m the loyal type that would drive a car into the ground before getting a new one), but as Solomon told us in Ecclesiastes, there is a time to keep and a time to cast away…
Partially because of this decision, I recall spring and early summer as rather lovely---a time of much letting go and casting away. Is it me or do the years feel heavy at times? I delighted in casting away pieces of our schedule and plans that were no longer working for us.
Late May brought a lovely trip to DC (where I spent most of my high school and some college years). Briggs was unable to go with us because of work demands, but the trip was refreshing and joyful. I haven’t been to DC in at least a decade, and the city, though ever-changing, felt much like an old friend to me.
Late May brought a lovely trip to DC (where I spent most of my high school and some college years). Briggs was unable to go with us because of work demands, but the trip was refreshing and joyful. I haven’t been to DC in at least a decade, and the city, though ever-changing, felt much like an old friend to me.
Of course, this is all just nuts and bolts of the matter. The watershed of it all is much more, on which I’ll comment in a bit.
Briggs has also had his share of challenges this year. His work at Edward Jones, which he loves and is gifted at, still demands a very dear piece of his mental, emotional and physical energies. I’m grateful that he is pursuing something that he loves and sees fruit from--wouldn’t trade that for anything---but there is always the weight of one’s own business. It’s like a small child that you can’t ignore without a price--always requiring time, patience, consistency….
He was able to get away for a Boy Scout hike in June---quite a big one endeavor for the troop---the goal was 5 days and 50 miles on the Appalachian Trail. During the spring, the troop trained to build up to this trip, and during this process, Briggs discovered that he was having increasing pain in his hip, the pain persistent and progressive.
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| Mount Vernon |
He consulted with an orthopedic surgeon who diagnosed him with a labral tear and hip impingement. They tried steroid shots at first with some success. But, he found that the pain persisted, to the point where he sadly but wisely had to bail 30 miles into his AT trip. Later on he told me how he was popping a series of percocets while hiking each day with little effect. Personally, this sounds like a sort of hell, doesn’t it? Who wants to hike ten miles a day in pain while on sedatives? But Briggs wanted to share the experience with David--he’s a tough nut--and I’m glad that he was able to share at least a part of it, despite the cost.
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| David taking selfies with mom |
We planned Briggs surgery for November, hoping my recovery would be well behind us by then. And it was. My surgeon was fantastic. My recovery was exceptional. Our friends, homeschool, and church community were incredibly supportive---helping with keeping all the
balls rolling as I couldn’t drive for two weeks after I got out of the hospital and Grace didn’t have her license yet. Meals, driving, whatnot--they were such a huge help. Briggs’ surgery also went without a hitch, and his recovery---still ongoing--is progressing nicely.
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| Happy sweet 16 to Grace |
His surgery was thankfully out patient and laproscopic, though the recovery process has been somewhat more arduous than we anticipated as he couldn’t drive for a month and had all kinds of cumbersome and annoying equipment required to help stabilize his hip until it healed. Thankfully, he came off the crutches last week and is regaining full use of that leg and building strength.
Though no one welcomes these types of intrusions into life---(funny how we feel fit to decide what we think is rudely intruding into our lives at times instead of viewing it as just another part of “life” no matter its rude nature), we count ourselves blessed. Blessed by the discernment and conscientiousness of my general physician who listened to my concerns about colon cancer history in my family and pushed for an early colonoscopy. The timing was merciful, just right, removed before it could bring greater harm. Blessed by the casting off of some of my homeschool responsibilities early in the year that left me freer in the later part of the year to deal with all of the unexpected medical demands. Blessed by privilege of skilled and trustworth surgeons. Blessed by the lovingkindness of loyal friends. Blessed by the opportunity to exercise our faith in the Lord’s provision actively. Blessed. Blessed. Tired, yes. But, above all, blessed.
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| 2015--the year of two surgeries and a pumpkin growing in a sling. |
And we have been blessed by the demands of all of these pieces of life---as much as we welcome certain favored pieces of life--the Christmas breaks, the summer vacations, the successes of our children, and the days when we feel like we are accomplished and making some sort of progress and difference in this world---these shiny moments are only signifcant when set off by the shadows---the stomach bugs of life---the increasing medical threats of growing older--the pressures of work and demands of life--our own weakness and the weaknesses of others--the stew of all the we don’t welcome into our lives but pushes itself through the cracks and seeps in regardless.
There’s a myriad of ways to interpret such pieces--depending upon our world-view and faith, we are granted liberty--for better or worse to ourselves and to others--to frame them up as we see fit. Me? I choose to view them through a framework of faith in Christ---even though I understand some of the pieces better than others, and some not at all. Though the pieces differ in size and shape---though some are more appealing than others--when considered collectively, they all bear the hallmark of a hand much greater, more loving, and more relentless than mine. Much of the work of my life has been learning to trust in them, to trust in the intent of the creator who makes the stars and ordains all the pieces…
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| At the Tourists Baseball game with Edward Jones folks |
I could elaborate and/or belabor (and in the mind of those who prefer “just the facts mam’” have already), but I won’t. Thank you to all of those who have ministered to our family this year--near and far--in big and small ways--we appreciate you! May God bless your lives through your own pieces in His way, in His time. May He give you eyes to appreciate them, even the ugly ones, the stressful ones, the unwelcome ones. May He bless your Christmas season and 2016 with all good things.
Love,
Elizabeth, Briggs
Grace, David & Rose
“Don’t imagine I doubt for a moment that what God send us must be sent in love and will all be for the best if we have grace to use it so. My mind doesn’t waver on that point: my feelings sometimes do.” -Letter of C.S. Lewis to lifelong friend Arthur Greeves, 1949
More odd notes that never worked their way into anything I could pull together:
Write hard and clear about what hurts. -Hemingway
To enter into the story is the most difficult part for me. Once I grasp the ring, movement is easy within because once I have a whisp of where I am going, I am able to proceed. Things I’ve learned this year:
*Loyalty is significant. Some friends will rise to the top under duress and others will fall. It’s good to keep honest short accounts of who is trustworthy and true.
*One never knows what a year may bring.
*God’s hand is working at all times and all ways.
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